Illustration

My Journey as a Digital Artist

As i've grown more comfortable within myself I've explored an interest in illustrating melancholic images that hopefully can inhibit a sense of shared strife. I paint and draw what I feel, and those feelings mostly concern longings for words I can't say. My favorite artists tend to tell melancholic stories that feel personal. Growing up art was an escape from the struggles of daily life. It helped me make friends, establish strong connections, and I even met my girlfriend through art. Being able to convey the unsaid feelings of others is what inspires me to continue on as an artist.

When I am no longer useful; Abandon me

An idea that always floats in my head when I’m lying about how fatigued I may be. I don’t love myself. This is not something I haven’t said before but I place my entire self worth on whether I can be useful to others or have something to offer. To be a good instrument I will do what I can to always be adaptable and capable. Always failing in some way as there is always better. When I am no longer able to; let me rot.The feeling comes and goes, and I believe it is shared by those who would never want to burden another; to save yourself.I’m very fortunate to have so much love in my life that reminds me consistently that these fears are untrue and that the expectations of self hatred placed on myself are not the views of everyone else.

Dear Time;

if you’ve shown me any form of kindness, thank you. Ive remembered it and have thought of you fondly. We are all sharing a universal loneliness, traveling through a hazardous current with no end in sight. Time like a river will flow in perpetuity even when it feels as if the world has stopped. We have no control over it. So much suffering and loss makes me often doubt my own ambitions. Where there is never enough time in the day to do all. Not only for myself but in a pursuit to help others, and that breaks my heart. The feeling of loss can take all that hope and optimism away. It’s so easy to destroy ourselves when the options presented are to live or to die. In reflection I’m proud of the human I’ve grown to be, like all living things on earth it takes time to see growth. Even in this darkness, we can still find beauty in life and see that there is a reason to desire that joy. Our past does not have to be an anchor of misery, but a reminder of memory in good times, and that it is cyclical, much like the flowers that grow in spring. So may we.

Butterflies Under Moonlight

A collage of images with an ilustrative touch. Made through my intense feelings of love for my partner. It was from the night we shared alone under the moon that I felt butterflies. It was dark everywhere as we sat alone in a park with a blanket and a chess board.

Forever

I have a reoccurring nightmare where I’m stabbed and drown alive. I’d only wake up when my chest began to hurt and I’d wake up gasping for air. When I feel like I’m dying it feels like vines and flowers wrap around me to keep me from panicking and accept things as they are. I don't know, I just really feel better when I’m around flowers and plant life and it follows me into my dreams all the time.

Hummingbirds are like Fairies

Hummingbirds are beautiful little creatures that make me feel like magic is real. In this painting I was driven to make something familiar and dream like. Growing up I would pretend these little birds would fairies and that hasn't changed.